Saturday, July 12, 2008

Humiliation

Hello humiliation, my dear friend. I can't remember when you weren't around. You're a faithful companion.

You were there when I was a little girl and their was no one to play with. I went down to my friend's house, J.A.M., and she and T were playing in her attic. I climbed up and began playing, too. I don't remember the game, but we were having such carefree fun. Until her father came along. He snuck up the attic stairs just as I was laughing at something funny, and he mimicked my laugh making me feel about three inches tall. He told me to leave, that I wasn't supposed to be up there, only you and T were allowed up there. So, I went home and cried, and you were there with me, my old friend.

Humiliation, you know you were there for me with all the incidents involving my mom. The dance studio, meeting friends' parents, pageants, school events. Those were the most significant childhood events where I remember your presence.

And do you remember the time in high school - I know there were many - but the time when I tried out for drill team officer for the second year in a row and didn't make it? You were there. You must remember consoling me in the upstairs bathroom at the townhouse.

Humi, you were there during my sorority days, too. I try to forget some of those times when I really tried hard to fit in. Immaturity and bad choices contributed, but you were the main man.

Much later, there was the time when I was sitting at the breakfast room table talking to my husband, and he told me he didn't love me anymore. Out of the blue! No warning! I know you can't forget that! I thought we had a loving marriage. You held my hand when I went back to work to deal with the heart-breaking news. And you wrapped yourself around me when I had to tell my family and co-workers that the man I was so in love with was no longer in love with me, and when I had to face the fact that the twins would have divorced parents. Sadness was there, too, but Humiliation, you didn't leave my side.

You continue to follow me throughout my days, obviously waiting for the next time that I will need you. And although you are a trusted, old friend, I pray that I can live without you because I know that someday you will leave me. Loneliness and fear of rejection have been my old friends, too, but I think I am ready to make some new friends. I'm afraid you've been my friend so long that you will not want to leave. But when you're ready to go, know that I will always remember you.

This was written for the Sunday Scribblings prompt "My Oldest Friend." Click here to see what other Sunday Scribblers are writing about.

Writing this prompt has reminded me of this song by Simon and Garfunkel.

11 comments:

jenn said...

That was awesome!

anthonynorth said...

That was very cleverly done.

keithsramblings said...

A really good read. What unusual friend!

Lilibeth said...

Sorry, but I don't think I see humiliation as a friend...maybe consolation would be a better one. It does hurt me that so many children suffer an incident like that that affects them for years...I've seen too many. I only pray that I haven't been the cause of many. It seems that the older I get the more I realize things I shouldn't have said or done.

Lucy said...

Oh Diane, this was so so sad. I sympathize with all the pain you've been through. What kind of father would belittle a child like that? Too many mental people are out there raising kids and pretending to fit into society. Geez, this really broke my heart.
I pray your self esteem has grown through the years, despite the pain.
( I think it was very creative how you used the term 'friend' for a feeling that has been by your side your whole life.) ♥

Michelle said...

Awe. My hope for you is that humiliation leaves you for good, and you become best friends with self-worth and self-confidence. Yes they are twins, but not identical, one is fatter than the other.
Teehee - just kidding!!
Loved your post, it's one we all can relate to!

Just Jen said...

oh I know Humi too!
this was a very creative take on the prompt

Linda - Nickers and Ink said...

Glad you included the S&G song . . . The first line brought it to mind.

Blessings,
Linda
INTEGRITY, at NICKERS AND INK

Apu said...

Very Creative...We have all been friends with Humi, watever the duration and intensity of the friendship...Sorry for all the sadness...Hope you make new friends, as you proclaim in the post...

Take care

Tammy said...

I remember that bully well so I'm glad you are seeking better friends. Creative take on the prompt.

danni said...

these feelings of which you write are so familiar and soul deep sad - i hope you will arrive at a better place and time in life and kick this old friend to the curb!!!

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