Humiliation

Hello humiliation, my dear friend. I can't remember when you weren't around. You're a faithful companion.

You were there when I was a little girl and their was no one to play with. I went down to my friend's house, J.A.M., and she and T were playing in her attic. I climbed up and began playing, too. I don't remember the game, but we were having such carefree fun. Until her father came along. He snuck up the attic stairs just as I was laughing at something funny, and he mimicked my laugh making me feel about three inches tall. He told me to leave, that I wasn't supposed to be up there, only you and T were allowed up there. So, I went home and cried, and you were there with me, my old friend.

Humiliation, you know you were there for me with all the incidents involving my mom. The dance studio, meeting friends' parents, pageants, school events. Those were the most significant childhood events where I remember your presence.

And do you remember the time in high school - I know there were many - but the time when I tried out for drill team officer for the second year in a row and didn't make it? You were there. You must remember consoling me in the upstairs bathroom at the townhouse.

Humi, you were there during my sorority days, too. I try to forget some of those times when I really tried hard to fit in. Immaturity and bad choices contributed, but you were the main man.

Much later, there was the time when I was sitting at the breakfast room table talking to my husband, and he told me he didn't love me anymore. Out of the blue! No warning! I know you can't forget that! I thought we had a loving marriage. You held my hand when I went back to work to deal with the heart-breaking news. And you wrapped yourself around me when I had to tell my family and co-workers that the man I was so in love with was no longer in love with me, and when I had to face the fact that the twins would have divorced parents. Sadness was there, too, but Humiliation, you didn't leave my side.

You continue to follow me throughout my days, obviously waiting for the next time that I will need you. And although you are a trusted, old friend, I pray that I can live without you because I know that someday you will leave me. Loneliness and fear of rejection have been my old friends, too, but I think I am ready to make some new friends. I'm afraid you've been my friend so long that you will not want to leave. But when you're ready to go, know that I will always remember you.

This was written for the Sunday Scribblings prompt "My Oldest Friend." Click here to see what other Sunday Scribblers are writing about.

Writing this prompt has reminded me of this song by Simon and Garfunkel.