Friday, May 30, 2008

Does Your Heart Ache?

Does you heart ache when your kids' plans don't work out or when a friend of theirs hurts their feelings?

Today, my kids came home from school. Both of them had made concert band while most of their friends made honor band. One of their friends even made symphonic band, which is the best players, mostly 8th graders, and this girl is only going to be a 7th grader next year. She also never practices. She must have natural talent.

My son doesn't practice as much as he should. He was disappointed he didn't make honor band, but probably not all that surprised. He was sad, but he got over it - or appeared to get over it.

My sensitive daughter, on the other hand, cried and cried. It makes my heart hurt. There isn't anything I can do to ease her sadness. She even sent me an email telling me she was so depressed. And she told me face-to-face amidst sniffles and tears that she felt like the band directors were basically telling her she's terrible. And she's not. She puts her whole heart into it (her words). And she practices. And her "dream" of being a clarinet teacher is gone. And another girl told her she didn't want [my daughter] to make honor band, and that was just plain mean.

When I was in high school, I tried out for drill team officer and didn't make it - twice. I remember how hopeless and useless I felt. She is going through that right now, and my heart just aches for her.


  1. Oh, that just seriously breaks my heart. I'm not looking forward to that kind of thing as my kids get older. SAD!!! Hopefully, she doesn't give up on her dreams and becomes a clarinet teacher and THE BEST clarinet teacher around! :)

  2. Hugs to all three of is so hard to see our children receive bad news or be judged.

    My guys are still very young - but I get offensive when other parents compare them to their own breaks my heart when my kids struggle or fail...and I guess that motherling feeling does not go away!

  3. that is one of the things I hate about being a mom. I cannot fix everything. But I believe the one with the heart for things is the winner.

  4. oh Diane, YES it totally breaks my heart when my kids are disappointed or hurt in any way. I am heartbroken to hear of YOUR daughters disappointment too. At this age everything seems so final, so disastrous The last thing she needed was that mean comment from the girl. Maybe it was an oversight? Maybe she can ask for one more tryout? After all these teachers are overwhelmed with work, and may sometimes make a judgment error, no? I hope her dream of teaching clarinet resurfaces

  5. Oh. I was in honors band and orchestra. It's really incredibly boring and full of snobby kids. I think they are both better off for not getting in - but that's just me.

    I am sorry that your daughter was sad.

  6. (((hugs))) to all of you!


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