Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 03, 2022

Random (Happy) Tuesday

 



The "happy" is in parenthesis because there isn't much happiness going on around here right now.  I'm in a downward spiral.

Mom's memory is going away so quickly, and she is in constant pain for which not much can be done.  Mother's Day is coming up, and I'm not exaclty sure what to give her.  My sister has her second chemo treatment today, and I will be waiting almost a month for the results of my blood test to see if I have any of 47 gene mutations that can lead to cancer.  My hair continues to get thinner, my blood pressure is up, and my left shoulder and hands are aching badly from osteoarthritis.   I also just started two new medications, and I'n not sure they are doing what they are supposed to do.

Things at home are tense as well, and the tension will have long term consequences in my opinion.  There is a lot of resentment breeding. I almost think it would be better to stab myself in the leg and deal with some physical pain rather than just the emotional pain.  So, you can see why the "happy" part is questionable. 

We did make reservations to go to Granbury and stay in a cute cabin for a little mini trip; however, with all the chaos going on in our household at this time, I'm not sure we will actually be able to go.

That's it.  I have nothing more to say about any of this now.















Have a good week!  Don't forget to check out Random Tuesday Thoughts and Happy Tuesday.



Thursday, April 03, 2014

Every Mother Knows

Oh, how hard it is to see your child or children hurting.  You'd rather take the heartache and pain, the humiliation or suffering.  Why does it hurt worse when you aren't the one going through it?  It just does.  This should be a happy time for us with prom, banquets, awards, graduation, and college coming up, but the last week and a half have been emotional hell.  That's what I'm confessing for today.

Wednesday, August 07, 2013

Thursday Thirteen

Things that make me nervous…
1. My cat, but only when she brings in critters. Have you read about her exploits? Usually , she makes me calm and content.
2. Dealing with car people (sales, repair, etc.)
3. Going to the dentist.
4. Having money problems.
5. Considering colleges with my twins who are about to be seniors.
6. Getting a phone call from my mom who is not getting any younger.
7. Lay-offs at my husband’s place of employment. So far, not us, but the uncertainty gets to me.
8. Flying. Not extremely nervous, but more than I used to be.
9. Getting on a scale.
10. Forgetting my phone charger when I go somewhere for more than a few hours.
11. Big dogs.
12. Dying a sudden death (not dying itself) since my dad passed away suddenly, and his condition may be hereditary. Here one minute and gone the next. I’m scared I will have the same type of subarachnoid hemorrhage.
And
13. My newly licensed daughter driving solo.

Come join the fun at Thursday Thirteen!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

These Dreams... Continued


I had two recurring dreams as I was growing up. The first one was about a bear chasing me in the forest. I had that dream at least once a week when I was from the age of remembering dreams until I was about 7 or 8 (till 1972 or thereabouts).


The other recurring dream started when I was about 8 or 9 (1973-1974). It was always about an evil house. It was a two story house (maybe 3) , with big dormer windows in the front and a balcony on the side. I never even lived in a two story house until three years ago, so I don't know why I was dreaming about one. Anyway... the house was bad, as in evil. It trapped me inside, with the walls closing in. There was a force stronger than I, and it was pulling me. I always remember waking from that dream in a cold sweat trembling with fear. I had this dream over and over many times until I was a teenager


The bear story? Who knows what that was all about. But I swear the house in the second recurring dream (nightmare) was the Amityville House, and I dreamed about it before the murders happened (1975) and before the movie came out (1979). It's really freaky. I've only shared this with a few other people - because people tend to disbelieve me, but it's true. The same thing didn't happen in my dream that happened with the murders or the movie, but it was the same house! I was going to put a picture of the house on this post, but I just can't. I don't want to look at it every time I open my blog for the next few days. You can check out these links if you want to. Google book search, movie from 1979, movie from 2005, or the official website.


Things like this freak me out. I don't even go to scary movies - well - not the typical scary movie like Amityville or The Omen. I just don't watch them. And I hate crazy dreams that startle me awake, that make me afraid of the dark, that fill me with dread for the entire day.


One commenter on the previous post (which can be found here) said she will go through a whole day feeling affected by the dreams she has, just like me. For example, if I dream I'm mad at my husband, or if I dream he did something wrong, I will feel that way the entire day. Dreams can be so darn realistic that it's hard to separate them for real life!


Anyone care to share or comment?

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

These Dreams


Sometimes I have the strangest dreams, and they are soooooo vivid! Sometimes my dreams feel like they've actually happened in real life, and I will go through the day carrying the resulting emotions as though it did happen, even though I know it didn't. I'm not really sure if I want to know what this means or not. Probably too freaky!


Last week, for instance, I dreamed I was sitting on my stool at the front of my class reading to them. No big deal, right? The problem was that a student pointed out that I had chewing gum stuck between my teeth. The dream was so vividly real down to the detail of the appearance of the classroom and individual students and their reactions, not to mention my embarrassment.


Shortly after returning from our Disney World trip last month, I dreamed my mom and I, along with my 11 year old twins, were going on a gigantic, red roller coaster bigger and taller than any roller coaster that possibly could exist. We boarded the coaster and proceeded to pass through several parking lots, over a field, and many minutes later finally reached the beginning of the ride, all while actually seated on the coaster.


We then had to wait a long time for our coaster's turn to go up the first steep incline. As the ride lurched, sending us skyward, my heart must have skipped a few beats. The plunges, twists, loops, forwards and backwards, gave me a heart-stopping scare and made me feel like we would surely die. I believed we were still on the roller coaster when I awoke.


What was that all about? It felt so real! And my mom would never get on a baby roller coaster, let alone this mammoth! She has back problems, among other things. What I thought strangest was the walk we had to take to get to the boarding line as well as the coaster travelling through parking lots and fields just to get where it was supposed to start. It's just crazy!


What are your vivid dreams, or do you have any? More to come later, I'm sure, like have you ever had repetitive dreams?

Friday, April 11, 2008

Scrolling Saturdays


Join us for Scrolling Saturdays! This meme is hosted by Such Simple Pleasures and Manners and Moxie. All you do is dust off an old post and post it again!

This was originally written and posted September 30, 2007.

POWERFUL

I am not powerful.
In fact, I feel exceedingly powerless most of the time.
I do not exert great power or force.
I am not physically strong beyond the ordinary.
I do not feel like I have the uncanny ability to move people with the power of my voice, speech, written word, or logic.
And I certainly don’t feel like I have great authority or influence.

However, I have powerful, strong emotions.
When I am hurt, I hurt deeply.
When I am in love, I love passionately.
When I am angry, I am completely angry.
When I am sad, I am inconsolable.
When I am afraid, I am profoundly afraid.
When I am content, I am genuinely satisfied.




Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Being Thankful - or giving it my best shot


A dark and desperate time threatens me now.
I was warned to think positive.
I must think positive.
What has been done, is done.
It is and always will be.
Take stock of what I have, not what I gave up.
This isn’t “what would’ve been”
And it isn’t “what could’ve been.”
It is “what is now” and “what is to come.”

Lord, I pray for the strength, patience and wisdom I will need to make it through this bump in my road.

I am thankful for:
**God, Jesus, and a place of worship to call home, where friends will be there for me if I need them.


**Family – My dad who is in Heaven there with God whose memories I treasure; my mom, who is still living and who I often complain about as though I were a teenager; my sister who has been there to listen to my troubles.


**More Family – my children, who make me proud when they do the right thing (and I’m still thankful for them even when they make me sad for not doing the right thing), for making good grades, for loving the Lord, and for loving me. My children are so important in my life.


**A home to live in, food to eat, transportation, a job, and a small measure of security.


**I live in a place of freedom; freedom to think, freedom to express myself, freedom to worship, freedom to speak my mind, freedom to be happy or depressed if I so choose, and freedom to question, wonder, learn, research, and dream.


**I am thankful that I am not in an abusive relationship, that I can provide a good home for my family, and that I can realize when I need help.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

It's All in the Emotions (Sunday Scribblings)

I am not powerful. In fact, I feel exceedingly powerless most of the time.

I do not exert great power or force.
I am not physically strong beyond the ordinary.
I do not feel like I have the uncanny ability to move people with the power of my voice, speech, written word, or logic.
And I certainly don’t feel like I have great authority or influence.

However, I have powerful, strong emotions.

When I am hurt, I hurt deeply.
When I am in love, I love passionately.
When I am angry, I am completely angry.
When I am sad, I am inconsolable.
When I am afraid, I am profoundly afraid.
When I am content, I am genuinely satisfied.
This week's topic, Powerful, was very difficult for me. I'm not entirely sure why, but it took me over a day of thinking to decide what to write, and when I did, the thoughts did not pour from me as they often do. There must be something about this word that strikes dischord in my mind, but I can't verbalize what it is. Thanks for reading.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

That Sinking Feeling (for Sunday Scribblings)


I hate that sinking feeling I get when I realize something important that I have forgotten, usually accompanied by the words, “Oh my gosh!” I know that I’ve let someone down.

There was something I was supposed to do, and I didn’t write it down because I knew I absolutely would not forget it, but I did. It feels as if my heart is on the downside of a ginormous roller coaster ride, as though my heart has dropped to my lower extremities. There are actual pangs and aches in my chest when I realize the disappointment I’ve caused. An elephant may as well have stepped on my heart

Tears come to my eyes. And I am helpless because there is nothing I can do to relieve that sinking feeling.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Rooted

The recent massacre in Virginia and the shooting literally in my backyard at Johnson Space Center today have impacted my view of roots. Being rooted to something or someone should make one feel safe and peaceful. On the other hand, maybe people nowadays don't have strong roots, whether they be family ties, religious connections, or social roots, and perhaps this is a major cause of the violence in our society.

Sometimes there are people who long to have roots and a sense of belonging, so they gravitate to gangs, cults, or other people who give them a false sense of having roots. Additionally, there are those people who have roots they choose to ignore or people who perceive that they have no roots. Perhaps they assume the role of an outcast. This, too, can breed violence.

Do people who are rooted in their value system commit such heinous acts as the ones I have witnessed this week? Apparently, some do.

On a different note, my personal definition of being rooted means to be grounded and at peace. To have a place to call home. To be firm in my beliefs. To feel a contentedness knowing that I have family, friends, religion, and social obligations. To be somewhere for such a period of time that it feels permanent. To feel a conviction deep in my soul that guides my decision-making.

I have been uprooted through no choice of my own before - a situation where all I believed in, all I felt firm about, and all I relied on was completely pulled out from under me. Two situations, actually. When my first husband left me with two small children was the first time I felt rootless. Luckily, my whole life wasn't uprooted, but a good majority of it was. Thankfully, I still had some family, a few friends, and my faith to see me through. But much of what I felt rooted in was taken from me.

The second situation was when my father passed away unexpectedly two years ago. I felt completely alone. He had been my grounding force for my entire life, and I feel less rooted in life in general since he is gone. He was almost as much a rock to me as God is. Notice I said "almost."

A third situation was a choice, but it nonetheless uprooted me. When I remarried two years ago, I gave up my home, geographical closeness to my family, the job, the schools, the church, the friends, and the social support that I had developed. Adjustment has been difficult, but I feel like I am finally starting to develop new roots.

I guess that is one good thing about roots... they regenerate. Roots can take hold again even after the plant has seemingly been destroyed. And we can all bloom where we are planted.

Above picture courtesy of http://www.photoready.co.uk/texture/river-exposed-tree-roots.html