Monday, April 06, 2009

Heads or Tails


Three things - that's the topic for Heads or Tails today.


Three things that are weighing heavily on my mind right now.


1. Will the oldest step-daughter move out soon since she can't seem to carry a full-time course load in JUNIOR college and do well - flunks a class or two every semester. Dad just keeps giving her chance after chance. She only works about 2 days a week, and she pays for nothing, and my husband doesn't understand how come that bothers me.
It doesn't help that she comes and goes at all hours, has two boys that come over regularly (not at the same time, but she's playing them), smokes Hookah (in the backyard), skips classes, and doesn't contribute either financially or in any other way to the household. Her attitude puts a pall on the house, and she is a bad role model for her sister and my 12 year old twins. If I want to leave because of her, does that make me a bad person in your eyes as it does in his?


2. What can I do besides teaching? I am so burned out. I love teaching, but the discipline and behavior issues, along with an unsupportive administration and numerous federal and state laws, make my job extremely difficult. My hands are tied as far as what I can and can't do, so I must put up with insubordination. We play nurse, counselor, psychologist, and parent to these kids. I love them, but I have no energy anymore. The more we do, the more they ask us to do. What can one do with an English degree other than teach?


3. Do I need to move closer to where my mom lives to be with her? She is undergoing chemo for lung cancer and is doing well so far, but you never know. She's only an hour away, and she has a great church and great friends, but she lives alone, and I worry.


I have a lot weighing heavily on my mind right now. You might want to go visit some other HoTs for something more cheery!

13 comments:

Skittles said...

The problem with your stepdaughter begins with your husband's siding with her instead of you. He needs a wake up call or something. SHE needs to get a life of her own.. somewhere else.

What should you do about it though? I think you answered it maybe with your #3?

Thank you for your comment on my post "A Better Understanding."

Take care.

anthonynorth said...

Sometimes things just pile up. I've often been there.

Hootin' Anni said...

I must admit that third one would be so hard on me. That would!!!

My Three are up now. See you at my place. Be there, or be square! [LOL]

Dawn said...

You don't need to leave. Your stepdaughter needs to leave. Sounds to me like she needs tough love. Tough love isn't harsh, but rather it is exactly what a person needs to get them heading in the right direction. I know because I once needed it myself.

Teaching is a difficult profession, but it is so worthwhile. I hope you find some peace in this area.

I am sorry that your mother has to go through this right now, but it sounds like she has wonderful support from family and friends. You sound like a very caring daughter, and that is very important.

Tumblewords: said...

I couldn't live with a girl like that. Everybody needs to pull their own weight, I think. Teaching is a tough job, as I hear. It's not about kids so much as it is about 'rulership' from the non-teachers and the low expectation for the children which ties in with your #1. So sorry about your mother. There are no easy answers there, either. Hoping things ease up a bit soon!

Karen said...

Oh my. You do have a lot on your mind. Hugs.

Tammy said...

I'm really glad I stopped by. HUG

Those were my rules as a single parent of two girls. I kicked one out half way through her senior year for toxic behavior to my youngest and I (knowwing she had a place to go). The other didn't want to go to school or work after graduating and moved in with bf's family, got pregnant then married. YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON!

Teach at a community college?

Is your mom stubborn and independent? Unless she is not I would ask her. Dave's mom lives alone and wouldn't have it any other way. She's 85 and happy, with 6 grown kids.

Pray on it all sweetie! XXOO

Laura said...

WOW - lots on your plate to ponder. Hang in there. HUGS!

Robyn Jones said...

I totally feel for you with the situation with your step daughter...and I feel you are right to think it is time for her to move...she isn't learning anything hanging around the house.
My 18 year old is causing some frustration right now, because she is not going to school, hanging around doing pretty much nothing and while not getting into the same amount of trouble, we are still thinking that it is time for her to move out and into the real world because we don't feel she is learning anything catching a free ride with us...

HUGS to you...it sounds like you have a pretty full plate right now....Hope some of it gets better soon...

D... said...

{{{Forgetfulone}}} I am here for you.

1. No, it doesn't make you a bad person. Seriously.

2. Tell me about it. It's so frustrating. The district (& this is the only one I work for) &/or the state seems to forget that not all kids are academic. We have to deal with So.Many. issues that have nothing to do with academics. Plus, we have lost the "power" over them. Our hands are tied. ARGH!!! But, yes, we love the kids. Truly.

3. I can imagine how this makes you feel. Of course you worry & want to be close to your mom. I hope it does give you some comfort to know she has a great friends/church family. How is she feeling with the chemo? Last we talked, she was doing ok.

{{More hugs}}

Melanie said...

I have no idea what parenting step-children is like but I do think that your DH has to come to the party and help you out too.

Sorry all this has been piled on you, I hope that your mum is okay.

Lucy said...

aww Di, these ARE such weighty issues
I so wish i had answers that could help you, but these difficulties are not so easily solved.
My son has an english degree and is going to grad school to TEACh! i worry about all you've said here, because I have many teacher friends and they say THE SAME eXACT things! Something needs to be done to change things or we will truly have a shortage of good teachers.
I have a pamphlet that they gave me at his undergrad school..it listed ALL the jobs that require an eng. degree!
I have to dig it up for u!
try to hang in there Di. big hugs your way xoxo

Dawn said...

Moving near my mom was the best thing I ever did. But I was living states away, not an hour.

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