Sunday, June 28, 2009

I am a Toy


I am just a toy, someone’s form of amusement. What toy? I’m a marionette. Pull my strings, and I will smile, or frown, or laugh, or cry. I may dance, hide, sit down, or fly. Someone else controls my every move, my every emotion, my every action. And it’s not always the same person at the controls. I’m a community-property toy. Today it may be my husband, tomorrow my mother, and the next day, my step-daughter could be holding the strings. I must be great entertainment!

Oh, I make plans. I try to carry out those plans, but I’m only a toy on whom others place limitations. A puppeteer shows up and throws a wrench into my plans, twists my strings, turns me upside down. I’m at the mercy of the almighty puppeteer’s will.

I’d like to cut these strings and control my own life. But, I’m just a toy. I don’t have scissors. I have no power. I have no influence. I’m forever waiting for someone to pick up my strings and move me in a certain direction. If only someone could breathe real life into this marionette like the Blue Fairy did for Pinocchio. But fairies only exist in dreams, and wishes only come true in fairy tales.

The Sunday Scribblings prompt was “toys” in hopes we could all use something light this week. Unfortunately, the prompt didn’t work out light for me, but it felt good to get this off my chest.

10 comments:

craftylyra said...

You deserve "real life." You can have it too--it doesn't mean changing the people in it, but you really don't have to feel this way. If you need a sounding board, please feel free to e-mail me...craftlyra (no t) at gmail dot com.
In the meantime, I hope you find some joy and sense of control over things.

Tumblewords: said...

Ah, I've felt that same way. Well written...

Amy @ Six Flower Mom said...

I too feel this way sometimes --- but then I have to ask myself, if I do not like it, then do I have to do it ... I am in control or allow them to be in control but it is my choice! It has to be!

I really like the way you made this connection and how you wrote it!!!

D... said...

Whoa. Well done. What happened? I'm sorry you are a source of someone's entertainment. A whim for someone else. You are not alone. I have been there, too.

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Ahh, I, too, know these feelings. Hang in there and find your strength. Sometimes, it's only in your head. (but yes, other times, it's very very real.)

Tammy said...

Hi Di, I know your pain and it's easy to not even see it until your empty. TAKE YOUR POWER BACK! Go on strike if need be but get it back. HUGS

Giggles said...

I hear the sound of a dying soul....I've been there done that! Now I only let them have a few turns at the strings, at my choosing! Thanks for sharing this heartfelt piece of yourself! So well done, as sad as it is!

Take your power back....you can never change another person...you can only change yourself which will requisition different reactions, and results from others! Some may find disdain in the change, but trust me on this, some boundaries and change will make people take notice!!

Now go out and treat yourself to the book "Journal Bliss", and use it to find your way back!!

Love and big hugs Giggles

Melanie said...

Sorry you have felt powerless to others actions, print this out and share with them.

Lucy said...

Diane this has moved me to tears. I WILL NOT have my friend Diane feeling like a F*&^ING TOY!!! THIS poignant, brilliant post was not only good to get your feelings off your chest.. it is good because people who love you (like me) will now give you the encouragement that you need to make you CUT those damn strings and start living life to YOUR fullest! I am a little crazy right now as I write this because the sicilian in me wants to fly to texas and cut those strings and give everyone in your life a piece of my mind.. but YOU my sweet friend, HAVE that power within you.. YOU must take the first step and like a new baby learning to walk.. each day.. another and another to set yourself free and tell everyone to F*** off! because one thing I've learned is the older we get...We CAN MAKE wishes come true.. No fairies or husbands or pain in the ass relatives necessary!!
Please know this was written with much passion and so much love for you and every woman (and I hear from many) in your same circumstances xoxox
I am always here for u!

linda may said...

yep I know what that feels like too.
:)

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails