Monday, June 13, 2016

So Random

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I have had the weirdest dreams lately.  Two nights ago, I dreamed I was at my childhood home.  My dad, mom, and grandmother were there.  I sat by my dad, and we were having good conversation.  Then I was talking to my mom, and I felt so relieved that we were talking to my dad, that they could see him, too, that he was alive.  I asked, "So you can see him, too?"  And she said she couldn't.  It was all my imagination!  I cried and cried.  I think this dream stems from my inability to accept my father's death.  I mean, I know he passed away over 10 years ago, but I never went through all of the stages of grief.  I am still in denial in my heart. I made it through them in my head, but my heart just cannot accept it.

Content removed in light of recent events.


On a completely different note, I was drying my hair the other day and I bent over to dry underneath, and I glanced in the floor length mirror and was appalled!  A woman of 50 should never look at herself upside down in a mirror.  Things look hideous from that angle.

By the time you read this, I'll be on my one and only vacation this summer.  Well, I think it's my only vacation.  Who knows?  But, I'm about to board a plane for Las Vegas.  My husband is already there at a convention for work, so the hotel is covered.  The flight was covered with "miles."  That's my kind of vacation!

Today's Coffee Chat topic is interesting.  Our hostess asks...
What would you do differently, if you knew no one would judge you?

That's a tough one!  I honestly have no regrets.  Of course, I've made mistakes in my life, but I learned from them.  They served a purpose.  I am where I am supposed to be, doing what I'm supposed to be doing.  Maybe I would have been more independent instead of trying to fit in.  Maybe I would not have been so anxious to find love.  Perhaps I would have kept my mouth shut when I didn't, or maybe I would have spoken up when I kept quiet. But really, I believe everything happens for a reason, so even if I could do something differently, I doubt that I would.

Have a great week!

3 comments:

Rory Bore said...

Oh, are those the Nile River crocodiles that they have discovered? I heard that they found some in Florida. And they are notorious "man eaters" supposedly. You all stay safe down there!!

Your Vegas trip sounds lovely! Enjoy.
And I like that you mentioned it is all learning experiences. If we changed anything --- would we still end up in the same place we are now? It's interesting to ponder.

Suzanne McClendon said...

I found you via the Coffee Chat linkup, but what stood out to me the most in your post is the grief over your daddy. I understand it. My daddy died just a few days after his birthday in 2012. He was mostly deaf at this point. I had my sister tell him happy birthday for me. She was there and I am over 1000 miles away from home. She told him and said that he smiled. I didn't call him on his birthday because I didn't want to cause him to struggle to breathe (lung cancer and COPD). This was the first year I had not called to tell him happy birthday. The next thing I know, we were getting the call that he was dead. The guilt of not calling him, of not being there with him is unbearable.

I don't think that we ever get over the loss of our daddies. A daddy has his daughter's heart forever. We aren't supposed to get over it. We just have to find a way to get through it. Accepting it may never happen. {{{Hugs}}} You're in my prayers.

Kisma said...

I'm with you, I can't think of anything I would change. I mean I can think of things I would like to do now that I know would be things people would frown upon, but I am at a point in my life that I don't really care. :-)

Like you said, things happen for a reason!

Great post!

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